2017 According to Parks and Recreation

The Amy Poehler-starring NBC comedy about small town government shocked it’s viewers when they set the entire final season in the near future of 2017. Despite airing in 2015, this provided the writers a chance to joke about the future of America, technology, and pop culture. So while 2016 may have been a dumpster fire of disappointment, it seems we have a lot to look forward to. Let’s take a look at some of the show’s best “predictions”:

The Jason Bourne franchise has been rebooted… with Kevin James in the title role.

Andy hears it was “pretty funny,” and Leslie thinks “he nailed it.”

Jaden Smith stars in Hitch 2: Son of a Hitch.

Tom is dying for the pair of shoes Smith wears in the film. You can watch it on demand on your new Gryzzl device.

The Game of Thrones series finale features Daenerys Targaryen marrying Jack Sparrow.

“It makes sense if you’d read the books,” explains Ben.

Shia LaBeouf is a wedding dress designer.

Donna wears one of his designs on her wedding day (“They don’t come cheap”). The Transformers star also has a jewelry line, which Tom uses to propose to Lucy. “Man’s really found his calling,” he says.

The Chicago Cubs won the World Series the previous year.

Amazingly, this actually came true. Forget Back to the Future, because Parks and Recreation nailed the Cubs championship year on the head.

Elton John buys Chick-fil-A.

With the openly gay singer owning the formerly homophobic fast-food chain, sales have gone “through the roof.”

There’s a Pulitzer Prize for listicles.

Pawnee’s very own lifestyle guru Annabelle Porter has won two with her website Bloosh (the show’s take on Goop).

Morgan Freeman and Shailene Woodley are feuding.

It’s larger than Biggie vs Tupac.

So are Nicki Minaj and Jesse Eisenberg

And it started at the BAFTA awards.

Bruce Willis and Christina Aguilera are a couple.

Their home is a regular stop on Hollywood tours. Usher is a neighbor.

LeBron James goes back to Miami.

His decision has rocked the sports world.

Elbow bedazzling is in right now.

The basic package is $140, while custom art starts at $250. Treat yo’self!

1424880499-bedazzled_elbows

There’s a beef milk craze.

“Authentic, hand-strained, teet-to-table beef milk.” Only $60 a gallon!

The hottest restaurant in LA? “Celebrity Sushi.”

As in, all the sushi is made from fish previously owned by celebrities. Donna’s favorite is the Peter Bogdanovich.

Mount Rushmore has been sexed up.

South Dakota tourism is way up ever since Leslie made “Thomas Jefferson sexier in those Mount Rushmore promotions.”

Joe Biden wrote a new book, and it’s hilarious.

Biden the Rails: A Thousand and One Poems Inspired by My Travels Through Amtrak’s Northeast Corridor. With the VPs ascension to internet meme fame, this could legitimately be a best-seller.

biden-the-rails

Verizon, Exxon, and Chipotle merge.

The three brands are now one of America’s eight companies.

 

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