Cocaine Godmother: The Griselda Blanco Story airs January 20th, 8pm on Lifetime.
I pushed off watching my screener of the made-for-TV movie Cocaine Godmother for as long as possible. See, I knew it would be terrible like most Lifetime movies are. When I finally clicked play there was a glimmer of hope in a decent opening scene, but alas the hour-plus that followed was a dumpster fire. Avoid this dreadful (and problematic) program at all costs.
Cocaine Godmother is a biopic about the legendary drug lord Griselda Blanco. While I wouldn’t go so far as to call the film sympathetic, the director clearly wants you to understand her. Which is hard, because she murdered a lot of people. It’s all so over the top, and yet somehow doesn’t fall into the “so bad it’s good category.” It’s just bad. No lie, I laughed out a couple of times at the pure shlock factor of several murder scenes and cliché voiceovers.
Catherine Zeta-Jones plays Griselda, which is weird. In 2018, it’s hard to believe a white Welsh woman was cast as a Colombian immigrant. Besides the obvious racism issue here, Zeta-Jones’ is super cringe-worthy. Ultimately, I can’t blame Lifetime, because clearly no other sane actress would want to be attached to this movie.
I give Cocaine Godmother a D.